Posted in Searching for my father

Don’t give up hope Judy!!!

Barbara and Judy 1953 1
My sister on her wedding day with me at 1 month old

When you are looking for a biological parent and you aren’t sure who they are, it is very frustrating. I had gone from being secure in my parentage – screwed up as they may have been – to wondering who the heck I was. I know some people won’t understand that feeling, but for me, it is a big deal and I want to know where I come from or should I say WHO I come from. So I am not getting any help from Lee, my maybe 1/2 brother. He kept telling me in emails that he couldn’t understand how I thought I was descended from his family…it was obvious he didn’t understand how the Autosomal DNA test worked and I sent him articles and links to explanations. But he just wasn’t receptive. Why was he being so frustrating???

I went through January and February with no response from Lee so I got a bit depressed and antsy…and then.surprise!!!..a new 2nd cousin match came up! Those of you that have gone through this search process know what an important event this is. And since this match didn’t match my sister, I was pretty sure it was on my paternal side. But he didn’t have a family tree.  So I messaged him on’s website and he was very nice and very receptive and gave me a few names of his ancestors and of course they didn’t match anyone I had been researching. That threw me for a loop…how can we be 2nd cousins, probably paternal side, and he not match any of the surnames I was building my tree on??

We went back and forth a bit and then I started building a tree for him from the names he gave me, I figured we had to intersect somewhere, I just must be missing something. As I am building out his tree I find that he had an ancestor on the line that Lee is also on, but it was too far out to be a 2nd cousin match to me if Lee was my 1/2 brother….in the meantime I was contacted by Sonya, she was the lady that I hadn’t contacted in my Ancestry tree as I figured I knew where she fit in the tree. But she also downloaded her results to Gedmatch, a fantastic site where you can upload your raw DNA results and find matches that might not be on, she found me there as we matched at around 3rd cousins and we began communicating and as I told her my story and she was so interested and wanted to help me try to find out who my father was.   Sonya is such a sweetheart and when my oldest son was going to Alabama on a work trip, she offered to meet him and take him to the cemetery where my probable family are mostly buried. They took pictures of grave stones and she gave me a book on the history of the town my new family founded over 150 years ago. Pretty cool. I liked her immediately!  Little did we know at the time how pivotal she would be in my search!!


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